STEPHANIE PACHECO

For Bridget Candy: My Four Reasons

Part1

You lay on this soft bed, legs spread, eyes open and a heavy breathe. 
The awkwardness lies, this dark room is not a Romeo scenario.
The day we left this horrid place you slept for a million hours and I 
smiled to myself thinking I was taking you away. I knew we'd be okay
for we were far away, but you hadn't touch me for a million days. 
My dear, you were as bitter as I, only you hid it with strong disguise.
Tiger claws, masculine love, you problem child. Your tiny heart a 
game of old playing cards. My ladybug I miss you already. I knew it
was you, burning bright blue in the midnight window of black 
shadows and mysterious creatures. You held me so close that night,
even told me a lie to comfort me. Little did I know you never truly 
loved me.
	But, the truth is I felt as though a child, for you gave me 
a mother's warmth with cold eyes and weak hands. I slept in a safety
bag of a million hungry sharks. No monster could eat me that night, 
for I had you by my-side.
	You motherless child, trapped in your hypocrisy and denial. 
The many times I kissed your shoulders are now faint memories 
contaminated by murder mysteries.
	Ms. Murphy you must forgive me, for I was never man enough
for you...Maybe if I had beaten you black and blue, then you'd love me
through and through. Emptiness would have been a better suit, for I 
have yet to sicken myself of you.
	Cry, cry, cry, I must have cried you a river, but your never 
coming home. The sick-full joy you gave to me was a machine gun 
oozing disease, cancer caught in my sleeve. My heart no longer beats, 
for I have lost that loving seed. That twitch in daylight was a disaster, 
but by moonlight it captivated me, and why did you kiss me that night? 
Did you imagine you'd bring me forever flowers and a wet heart? Did 
you think you could love me and share my same parts?
	I remember you once said I was important to you, so you said 
we'd tattoo but you never followed through. Distruction must be your 
middle name, for it's what you've done to me. I'm not as strong by the 
candle light of hopeless wishes, but wasn't I your cave? Your life support, 
motor bike, and roller coaster?
	You greed machine, sick thing!
	Once you said I have too much emotion, but you fail to see that 
the only emotion I had was your deadly company. I was an agitated bee 
for I was sleeping with my worst enemy. I've become a skeleton, who 
would know I was once a woman underneath.
	Sweet bird, you've been the death of me. Tattoo this, tattoo you 
my sweetest sweetheart remember the one and only truth, there's an 
ocean of sadness in you.

Part2

	This new room is empty with no scars or midnight muscle cramps. 
I see no good-morning crumbs, or sad good-byes. The walls are murder 
and the rest is a headache.
	Every morning I wake to your name, or a body which is not yours 
but resemble that of you. I miss you terribly, I do admit that I've cried more 
than I should have. Bee stung lips with burning eyes, you are my sad lie. 
The infestation of bruises were as special as Christmas love and valentine 
sadness. I am a small thing, I have feelings of glass. I need you so, please 
come back.

Part3

	Wiped hands, facial disgrace in a graceful delicate way. Today I thought 
of you once again.. While feeling animalistic and sly I came to the conclusion 
that you must be that of a brute. Love, your beautiful but so am I. I've said more 
than a million lies. I knew I was strong, but I was strung on sour medication and 
saliva spots. My unfair ways followed by punctured arteries, a sore neck, a sore 
labido, my sore ego.
	Many nights you'd roll over and make little sense, followed by a kiss or 
two, but never the sad truth. Those close me hate you, and so do I, but I hate 
with a love that's stronger than a horrific homicide. I should have killed you 
when you laid by my side, in the lonely hours of the night.

	It's 2:26pm and time stands still, I feel  no movement in me so I'm 
heading to the nearest nothing. Every part of me is now consumed by your 
tragic stare, cold hands and slant shoulders. Oh! they dare to tell me you were 
just an elevator love. The price I have paid for your embrace has equaled to 
an ordinary kiss, a baseball bat to the face, a punch in the rib and a kick in the gut…
My heart is under attack, solid battleship, war plane, and tulips with razor blade edges…
One solid line, gold tongue, you nervous wreck.

copyright 2003 STEPHANIE PACHECO

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CVETKA JOSAR MATIC

Goodbye, Sobriety

Let's go away now, you and me,
let's go away from our mad careers,
let's go away from all the obligations, fears,
away from stumbling over stones of hope,
away from feeling smothered by some bloke,
let's go away, away with me,
leaving behind this drab society.
We'll take a real long journey into ourselves,
away from shallow surfacing,
away from hollow nothingness,
let's take a deep deep breath,
let's dive into your very self,
let's say goodbye to all sobriety
and welcome this divine eternity.

copyright 2003 CVETKA JOSAR MATIC

comments/contact/career news for CVETKA JOSAR MATIC