JEAN HULL HERMAN

Murphy at Thanksgiving

"Old Dogs May Have Taught Man Essential Tricks."
--Michael Christie, Reuters, 3/26/02

These holidays-so annoying. 
I no sooner have everything back in place
From the last time-Cats out of my way, 
Humans feeding me those fine table bits,
Sleeping soundly again….
Until: it's Party Time, which will mean Guests, 
Which means no dogs. That would be me.
Bad Murphy. Down, Murphy. Sit, Murphy.
Go. Come. Fetch. Leave that alone.
How's a respectable retriever to know what to do?
It's my house all the other days-I've marked it about quite nicely.
I'm very territorial, and I don't like intruders.

Sometimes I dream of running with Others.
Sometimes I dream of teaching my residents tricks-
Interesting idea, isn't it: that dogs taught humans
How to survive when they were Outside? If I ran my house, 
I'd be sure they knew how to greet me properly,
How to manage as they feed me, touch me if they want affection.
And not hover when I want might want some privacy.
Don't they know how embarrassing it is to some of us,
That constant watching? Peeping?
Do it, do it, do it. Did you do it? Good boy. Oh, please! 
Hey, I was ready to do it inside- 
It was your idea to drag me out here. 
Not every dog wants to do everything in front of any old body.

Get a TV!
Tune in the Animal Channel-I'd like that! I could lie around, 
Get to see some friends, canines, dogs who look like me. 

Ah, for the days that come in my nightly dreams,
When I run with my brethren wolves, hunt and kill.
These people never let me kill anything.
Just one bird or mouse, and it's right back to "Bad Murphy."
I don't get it:
They don't kill those birds themselves anymore.
They don't dig up the plants they cook.
So how come I'm considered underfoot, unhelpful?
All I want to do is what I used to do, what I should do!

Well, all these unknown humans will go away.
I just have to wait. 
Maybe I can find a new place to leave my mark. 
And I can always eat more cake.



reprinted with permission from Starving for the Marvelous by JEAN HULL HERMAN