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WARD KELLEY
Pushing, Pushing

You were driven, you know
(why, oh why, can't I)
and never did locate the correct
way out, or proper note to score
the flight all the way, all the way.

There was something pushing, pushing,
from within your being, while your fame
and marriages and suicides
propelled you through
all our decades like a wiry wisp . . .
although you know the real impellent 
generates at the core of your soul.

There, there boils the fury
of being . . . of residing on this side,
a tantrum against this shackle of body;
so it never mattered very much
if you sang out right, or married right,
or performed to expectations;
what mattered was the expression 
of fury channeled into some acceptable
means to be heard or seen
around this imperfect world.

Why, oh why, oh why
can't this vision of soul
let you go?
Why can't you . . .
you knew all along
you couldn't . . .
you knew none of us really could . . .
yet you were the wisp
who even though you knew 
you couldn't, still yearned 
out your trembling question,
why, oh why, can't I.
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RE 'Pushing, Pushing' a poem from Histories of Souls copyright WARD KELLY

WARD KELLEY's note: Judy Garland was the assumed name
of Frances Gumm (1922-1969).  She made her stage debut at 
age three, spent several years in vaudeville, then at thirteen 
signed a contract with MGM.  She made many memorable
movies, most famous of which was The Wizard of Oz,
in which she played a role originally intended for Shirley 
Temple. 
      Garland's personal life was usually in turmoil.  The studio 
put her on diet pills, and before long she also needed pills
to sleep and others to stay awake.  By age twenty-one she
was seeing a psychiatrist regularly.\
	Judy Garland married five times, and endured several
 career disasters.  On June 22, 1969, she was found dead 
on the floor of her London apartment, the coroner 
attributing her death to an accidental overdose of sleeping
pills.  Actor Ray Bolger, the scarecrow from Oz, commented,
 "She just plain wore out."


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