I got caught in his headlights,
swept up by his credentials,
as dazzled as he
by the arm's length of publishing credits
he claimed. Genius, they called him.
Obsessed with the mirror's reflection
and the high C's he habitually missed.
I rode shotgun, assuming I was necessary
to his half-composed nocturne and the notes
he was ill-equipped to hit
if left to his own devices.
I stumbled,
he glided
past cracks
in the stairs
and peeling bark.
He brought me a fiery skyline
causing me to erroneously equate
gay + poet = brilliance.
I followed him
through prickly mazes at Chinese monasteries,
refilled his refillable pens,
and paper-toweled the blood trails
of beheaded statuary
all the while assuming that once the film had lifted
from his eyes
there would be a coming to
of good sense;
there would be soulful kisses
with my fingers locked in his hair;
I would earn, at last,
his praise. None of this occurred.
As his madness progressed,
we planned concertos, plotted column width, debated
what John Q. would accept as intellect
and what would be labeled blasphemy.
We did these things over wine and Wagner,
candles and cheese —
yes, even the fantasies
came with a symphony.
It was no secret that I loved deeply,
but in the end, self-preservation ruled
and I left him alone
with ladder-back metaphor
to write of feathers sprinkled with crushed bone
as the latest trend dictates.
He labors intensely
while burning sage
and imitating his own old works.