KELLY WHITE
I will not do this one more day
for Sache'
The funeral program
has a teddy bear
with wobbly glued on eyes—
I suppose there must be children
in attendance, rows of little girls
in scratchy petticoats and shined shoes
squeezed between grandmothers'
knees and squirming, jiggling,
frilled socks and patent leather toes
busy, you can see she squirmed—Sache' Waters,
5 years old, hip cocked, dark glasses,
pretend champagne glass, microphone—
twelve pictures make a clock face
around her kindergarten
portrait, Sache' a newborn, sleepy,
plumper, baby, peering
from under a blanket, smeared spaghetti
face in a high chair, Sache' in Eagles
sweatshirt, Phillies hat, on Santa's lap,
in bathrobe, bathing suit, tutu, sequined tap
recital, Barbie-princess-halloween,
laughing, the thirteenth an angel smile,
cheek laid on two sleepy
hands, blue backdrop
with fluffy white clouds. A rainbow.
"Sunrise 7/7/01-Sunset 9/2/06," shot
dead in her mother's car. Midnight.
The wrong street. Wrong neighborhood.
A gang mistake. The country is lost.
I don't want it, don't want to see
the pink and purple bear clap
his paws, don't want to remember birthday cakes
and candles blown out—
I just walked by the patients
in the waiting room, didn't even nod,
had to go back, lay my head on my desk,
but my desk isn't low enough,
had to lay my face on the floor,
below stained ceiling tiles
and the smashed wall above
I think—a permanent
memorial, handprints, baby shoes, faces;
Shirley knocks on my door. She's crying.
I have to leave off praying. She says today
in Paradise, ten little Amish girls. . ..