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RALPH MONDAY The Second Cloning After 1999 attempts, Jesus was cloned on the 2000th. Difficult, since genetic science had not yet mastered The intricacies of melding a resurrected Creator of The Universe, or the Son of God, the ultimate Savior Of all the colored races. The zygotic implantation precise in the Virgin's womb Guided by the scientist's cool syringe after attempts From the Shroud of Turin, various bloodied medieval relics Acquired by shadowed secrecy that ranged geographical From Jerusalem to Beijing. The Vatican finally stepped in, grudgingly, after the internet Blew the genie's bottle away, and coughing, gently, informed The Swedish consul that they, perhaps, perhaps, might be able To give Roman assistance. After all, Gods always take root in cold places. We have a foreskin, in our vaults, that the Jewish circumcision Preserved; not John the Baptist, long before that momentous Event—shortly after the Manger Birth—as prescribed by Tradition, the Knife saved the Life. The Three Wise Men from The East, after ladling spiced Gifts, following the Star Custom, Preserved the Life in a clay bottle. Dollops of hay, a donkey, and they were on their way. That is the background of the Story, my Chucklings. The rest is yet to Epiphany. Madonna, singing Catholic hymns, had already been prepped. Cloned herself (she would inform the world of this at the MTV Music awards), named the girl Mary, and protected her Virginity For fifteen years from wayward thugs like the New Cloned Elvis And Dennis Rod (man) mond. The Enquirer, CNN, Turn (HER) TV had all caught the scent Spiraling, spider like, from beer induced typings over THE WEB. Some kinda shipwreck was up. This was BIG. Geosynchronous bleepings spawned the Word World. EVERYbody wanted a piece of the action. The Dahli Lama flew in from exile: the Communist Chinese Shrugged their atheistic heads and even chanted a few OMMS; The Southern Baptists, as usual, had not a clue of what to do. So, the SCENE was set, the manger prepared, carefully synchronized, Of course by specialists from all the sciences: archeologists sifting Through the sands for the ancient beehive, NASA engineers coordinating Spacestuff along with Cornell astronomers, the EXact Bethlehem palace Where postmodern census takers gleefully rang the bell. A few Dollies and Mollies, hastily arranged for the viewing masses Sucking down bad Budweiser, lay down gently with lions outside. While the cameras clicked, the corporates licked means of a new computer Archetype circumscribed by the faithful, faithless populous fueled by A dynamo—electricity and the Virgin equally important—both spawning A new age and loved exactly the same. Somewhere the message got mixed and nixed. No matter my mad hatters, resurrection was up, Christmas around the Corner, a few bleeps away, and the sheep were prepared. Get IT all on CAMERA this time around. Industrial Light & Magic provided the Star, the Three Wise Men; The camels by a Palestine projection company; Vegas showgirls were jetted in (the Rockettes lost the bid), beplumed, Bespeckled, amazingly sequestered, they danced and pranced like Santa's deer awaiting blastoff. (PUT IN TITLE OF SONG OF BIRTH HERE) The web scorched along primed for Prime Time. And the birth began, natural, of course—The Mary could Do no other; Joseph didn't even wring his hands, being A good Jew. The cameras clicked, the lenses flicked on The grandest, waiting two thousand year epiphany. After a few convoluted contractions (lens in lens out; there about The Walk About), His Head emerged feet first, mewling, screaming, The Savior looking for His own redeeming Adam's tart; there began The Second Start. Computers clicked, ratings flashed, the stock market almost crashed— By the Second Cloning. Then, the Moment Endeared, Incarnation complete, HE EMERGED (THE TWO MICHAELS JORDAN AND JACKSON WERE NO WERE TO BE FOUND), But, my dear faithful foundlings, the One emerged after a 2000 year hiatus, By a bit of foreskin DNA that the Vatican didn't wish to discourse with in The First Place (they have their own problems); and the Swedish Renaissance Complete CNN clicked on. Jesus was reborn, precisely, on December 25, 2001, at 12:00 EST. Man, these ratings would be good! Cameras zoomed in, chocolates and popcorn were in every believers' Homes, plus a toot toot toot or a drink or two. "Mary, what do you feel," said a Springer Clone. "I feel—I I I feel something playing my mind mime." He Came He Saw He Conquered Carpe Diem Jesus reborn came out obsidian black. CNN cut immediately to an old Andy Griffith show. FADE TO BLACK.
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