poetryrepairs 16,06:063

SUE LITTLETON: Falling Sleep in Dark Rain Afternoon after Listening to Tapes of My Mother Dream
LYN LIFSHIN : The Dream after Listening to the Tapes of the Dead

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LYN LIFSHIN
Falling Sleep in Dark Rain Afternoon after Listening to Tapes of My Mother Dream

from 1988 in upstate New York and Vermont, Middlebury and Stowe. The last words on tape, ďweíre both getting tired,Ē I say to her, ďlets finish this later.Ē The couch down here in Virginia has too many pillows on it to sleep so I go to the manís leather chair in the sun room. Half asleep stil,l I hear what Iím sure is my motherís voice tho sheís been dead since 1990. Sheís asking if I want her to turn off the light. I suppose I slept more. When I woke it was still so quiet. Where is everyone? Are they in bedrooms? Mine is a big room above where I am sleeping but where can my father and mother be sleeping? There doesnít seem room for both of them. And my sister? Always a problem but still part of where Iím living. I know my study is in front of the houseóthere is just no room for me there. When I hear footsteps I know itís my father and try to hurry so we donít collide, so I donít run into him as I did in our flat in Vermont where Iíd avoid him in the long book cased hall. But I canít avoid him and he hugs me Ėso odd I think, my father be sharing my bed, is putting his arms around me as he never did. Weird. Earlier in the half sleep daze I wonder if the man is J who I live withóit takes me a while to realize this. Is he taking me to ballroom? And what of my mother? What exactly does she look like now? Black hair, or is it white? I donít remember seeing her at ballroom but sheís ready to get in the car and then I realize there is only the one I live with. There is no other family. No fatheróthere hardly was. She and Ben are buried under a spreading maple and my sister and I have not spoken for over ten years

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LYN LIFSHIN
The Dream after Listening to the Tapes of the Dead

THE DREAM AFTER LISTENING TO THE TAPES OF THE DEAD the interview wasnít going that well. My mother sounded tired and I was getting tired too so I said letís take a break. At that moment I turned off the tape and went to lie down on the blue velvet sofa same color as the one in my motherís house. I never lie there but it was too full of velvet pillows so I went into the sun room and sat in my boyfriendís chair, another thing I rarely do. It wasnít comfortable but I fell asleep. This is the weird part. I must have been half asleep, half awake. I was in this house but back with my family. I started wondering how all 4 of us could live here. I could visualize my room which is big but it is my room alone. And I was aware of the studies but I couldnít get how we could all live there. Where was my mother and fatherís bed room? And where was everyone? My boy friend was not part of the dream. I tried to figure out how my father took me to ballroom and where was my mother? Did my father sleep in my room? And why didnít my sister come to dance? She was always the better dancer and pretty but she didnít do it. But then, even stranger, I walked into the kitchen still in this half dream and heard what I was sure was my father coming up the stairs. I tried to get away the way Iíd avoid him in the apartment but my timing was off and we both got to the top of the stairs and he hugged me. I was shocked, he never did anything like this. I had no sense this was not my father but my boyfriend. I stayed awake in the dream a long time. I didnít know how my father was going to get ready for ballroom or if we were already late, didnít know if I was in the past or present

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